Moving Forward

I think one thing I'm realizing about this blog is that I shouldn't force myself to write some long, drawn out entry if I really don't have much to talk about. However, here are some short thoughts.

I think God always expects us to move forward. Complacency is my biggest enemy. If I am comfortable with everything in my life, I worry that I'm not doing everything I'm supposed to do. This is especially true with me at my church with my youth group. I have been afraid to challenge the youth to get deep into the Word and grow closer to God. But my complacency and fear brought a great deal of discomfort.

I pray that God would always keep me moving forward. That's one reason I'm excited about going to seminary. It may make me a little (or VERY) uncomfortable, but God never promised I would live an easy life. He came that we may have life more abundant. And sometimes the abundant life isn't easy. But an easy life is a life that doesn't move forward. That's not what we were made to do. I want to continually ask God to help me move forward, even when it's hard.

-kevin

Am I Free?

This question burns in my mind. Am I truly free?

"My dead heart now is beating, my deepest stains now clean.
Your breath fills up my lungs, now I'm free, now I'm free."

I sang those words last night. They are from one of my favorite worship songs of all time. Thinking about it now, I don't know if I really believe those words. I do know that my dead heart is beating. I do know that my deepest stains are clean. Jesus did this for me already. His breath has filled up my lungs.

But I don't feel free all the time.

It's easy to sing that "sin has lost its power," and that "death has lost its sting." But it's much more difficult to remember that when I'm at my worst. When I'm most selfish. When I'm bitter or jealous. When I feel hatred towards another person. Sometimes I still feel like my sin holds me captive... withholding me from God's full potential for me.

Sure my dead heart is beating, but sometimes I feel like it's struggling to hold on.

But my dissatisfaction with my sin is what reminds me that I'm still a work in progress. God is actively pursuing me. I am sure of this because deep in my heart, I know He is the only thing that can satisfy. I know that He is the only One who can fill the emptiness that so often cripples me. Even when I try to fill the void with other things, I know that none of it will ever give me as much joy and peace with life as would the love of God.

And I know that nothing else could set me free.

-kevin

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:6-8 (NIV)

Learning Patience

I have never been a guy who likes to sit around and do nothing. So far this semester I have had many hours to myself. I have to admit, it's kind of nice to have free time for once. But I just have a feeling that I'm not supposed to sit on my hands the whole time. Thus, of course, why I'm writing in this blog. I've always enjoyed sharing my thoughts, whether one person reads them or a thousand people read them. I will try not to make this a biographical session, but I do hope to share what God is doing in my life.

Last night I spoke for my youth group at Faith Community Church in South Boston, VA. I began talking about prayer, and how sometimes God doesn't give us what we pray for because He has bigger things in mind for us. I didn't get far into my lesson before the students started sharing stories about times this happened in their lives, and how God used that situation for the better. This was, of course, going to be my point, but they said it before I could. Youth can truly be amazing! Thinking back on that today, I wonder if I'm really living with that mindset, or if I am more often bitter and angry when things don't go the way I thought they should have.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us." -Romans 8:18 (NASB)

For me, this puts things into perspective. God's Glory > present sufferings. God's Glory > present disappointments. God's Glory > me. (That is the point of Littleman, I suppose. It would make sense for me to remember it more often.) But I forget most of the time.

So I suppose God is teaching me patience right now. He is teaching me that there are things in life that don't pay a dime now, but may have heavenly rewards. The problem with heavenly rewards is that we don't see the fulfillment now. But the Glory that is to be revealed to us is much greater even than our present satisfaction. That's the promise God gives us. And we may not recognize that when things don't go our way, but the promise is still there. It's always there. Though every disappointment, every suffering, every hardship. We must not forgot that God is God, and He will never break His promise.

-kevin

Am I who I want to be?

I recently remembered that I have this website. I've posted randomly over the past few years, and I originally opened this account to keep my friends and family in the loop about my first summer at IMPACT Florida in 2007. I also intended to do that this past summer, but as you can see, that didn't happen. In either case I decided to go back and read some of those old posts. I was reminded of how much I love IMPACT Florida, which in turn reminded me how much I love leading worship. It also made me think "hey, I should write something."

So here it is. For the past few months I've been trying to figure out what I want to do after I graduate in May. Actually, I'm marrying Emily in July, so I should say that we have been trying to decide what we want to do after graduation. As we look forward to an amazing life together, we both decided that grad school was in the future for both of us. Cause, hey, why not add enormous amounts of stress to our newly founded family, right? No, but seriously... in an effort to find her a free education at Liberty, I applied for two full-time jobs at the school. I was soundly turned down for both, of course, because God's plans are always bigger than our own. After the disappointment began to wear off, I realized something... and this is the point of why I'm writing.

Whatever God is doing is exactly what is supposed to happen. The jobs I applied for have nothing to do with my calling. I am a worship leader. I love nothing more than approaching the throne with other believers. God has graciously gifted me with talents, passions, and opportunities to do this, and to do anything else with my life would be a waste of all that. So, this fall, Emily and I will being moving to Wake Forest, NC so I can attend Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. There I hope to pursue a degree in Church Music.

I realized, through my disappointments, that I did not like who I was becoming. I was trying to force myself into what I saw as convenient and comfortable. I realized that I would rather venture into some new and frightening place than waste my life pursuing something God had not called me to.

In an effort to keep this post from getting too long, I will stop now. I have a lot more I could say. I plan to update twice a week from now on. I'm not sure which days yet... possibly Monday and Thursday.

Be who you were meant to be.

-kevin