Am I Free?

This question burns in my mind. Am I truly free?

"My dead heart now is beating, my deepest stains now clean.
Your breath fills up my lungs, now I'm free, now I'm free."

I sang those words last night. They are from one of my favorite worship songs of all time. Thinking about it now, I don't know if I really believe those words. I do know that my dead heart is beating. I do know that my deepest stains are clean. Jesus did this for me already. His breath has filled up my lungs.

But I don't feel free all the time.

It's easy to sing that "sin has lost its power," and that "death has lost its sting." But it's much more difficult to remember that when I'm at my worst. When I'm most selfish. When I'm bitter or jealous. When I feel hatred towards another person. Sometimes I still feel like my sin holds me captive... withholding me from God's full potential for me.

Sure my dead heart is beating, but sometimes I feel like it's struggling to hold on.

But my dissatisfaction with my sin is what reminds me that I'm still a work in progress. God is actively pursuing me. I am sure of this because deep in my heart, I know He is the only thing that can satisfy. I know that He is the only One who can fill the emptiness that so often cripples me. Even when I try to fill the void with other things, I know that none of it will ever give me as much joy and peace with life as would the love of God.

And I know that nothing else could set me free.

-kevin

"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:6-8 (NIV)